I just wanted to thank everyone for reading my blog pages. It’s been a lot of fun writing and sharing everything from paver sidewalks, ant murdercide and strange articles from time to time.
Yesterday I was home on defective body leave, again, I went out to my truck to grab some papework, and at that point, the chain reaction which may lead to my eventual death or possibly a severe mental disability occured. As I looked towards the barn I saw a giant spider. I don’t mean a big spider, or a huge spider, I mean a GIANT spider.
Now, remember I don’t live in a freaking rainforest, I live in NY between NYC and Albany, it’s pretty moderate here climate and bug wise. In the past when I tell people I’ve seen a big spider, it was perhaps 2-3 inches in diameter and was ‘huge’. After what I saw yesterday, anything under 5 inches in diameter is ‘big’.
To continue with my story, I looked up towards the barn and sitting on a piece of drywall which was leaned against a door which was leaned against the barns outer wall was this giant spider, at least 5″ in diameter(with legs). I was 10 feet away and could clearly make out all it’s distinctive features. It was black, the legs were not tapered to points, but thick and barrel like. It was very easy to see each leg twitch and move, it had a big round rump, and it was black as night. I think it saw me look at it because it kind of ‘jumped’. I closed the truck door and said in astonishment, ‘What the #@%^ are you?’ (sorry mom.. dad.. I was startled!). It quickly flipped me off and dove down in between the old drywall and door… Very quickly! My response was just something to the effect of double checking my brain to make sure I had actually just seen that.
I made it back inside and grabbed the half jug of Ortho Home Defense MAX and proceeded to empty about half a gallon of it over this door, against the door, under the door, over the drywall, under the drywall, around the drywall, anything leaning against the wall, for the purpose of killing this bohemouth of a spider. I soaked every opening, crack, crevace, crevice, you name it, it was soaked. I killed about 100 ants, maybe 20 spiders, some flying insects and a variety of other ‘bugs’ in the process. I just don’t know if I got the spider….
This brings me to today, this evening.. possibly my last evening. Tonight I’m going to go home, drink a twisted iced tea, listen to some quiet music and when I am done, I’m going to go out and peel apart the layers of stuff laying against the barn. It’s quite possibly I will be jumped on and killed by this spider. Could there be more than one? Maybe that’s just one of the babies from a recently hatched nest of even bigger spiders!! I don’t know!! There’s plenty of more theories, perhaps the ants pooled their money and hired some big tough motha to come and get me for killing all their brethern.
But I am doing this for tw-three reasons.
a) My viewers deserve a photo of this giant spider.
b) No one believes it was this big.
c) possible death wish?
I leave the blogs to the remaining ants, by the time they evolve to computer using abilities my adsense will have 29 dollars in it they can use to rule the world. I leave the 29 1/2 years worth of house payments to any sucker dumb enough to move in with man eating spiders!
On the otherhand, I hope I return from my adventure with pics of a giant spider to make you all go eww, and give me another reason not to sleep at night 😀
2 responses to I died for you… (maybe) In case I don’t return, these are my last notes.
Ok man, you know me and spiders.. I have to admit as scared to death as I am with spiders I REALLY would like to see a pic of this mutant spider from your garage. Although I am still a little confused as to why?
Candor
I wish I could have found the thing, but no luck. This wasn’t a ‘brain sees it bigger’ kind of thing, this thing was just massive. If you search the web for huntsman spider, it was about the same size as that, really creepy, but it helps me feel better that they’re somewhat harmless. Perhaps I’ll do some hunting in the basement, I’ve found some really thick web strands down there before! 🙂
I died for you… (maybe) In case I don’t return, these are my last notes. 1 Trackbacks / Pingbacks
Mushrooms Everywhere on my Lawn! | Jon’s Home Blog Comment on I died for you… (maybe) In case I don’t return, these are my last notes. (July 16th, 2009 at 23:16)
[…] Give nature a chance, folks. Enjoy the mushrooms while they last, cause next week it’ll be a giant man eating spider… #gallery-1 { margin: auto; } #gallery-1 .gallery-item { float: left; margin-top: 10px; […]
Leave a reply to I died for you… (maybe) In case I don’t return, these are my last notes.